A little happiness is nice once in a while...

I did real good yesterday. At Steak N Shake, I only had the hot dog with pico de galo (no chipotle sauce) with cottage cheese & pineapple and veggie soup. Yay!! I did it!!! I was tempted to get a hamburger or a milk shake. Was really tough not to do that, though. Hubby had a yummy hamburger and mother-in-law had a milk shake. But I resisted.

To be honest, it really wasn't that hard. Isn't it funny how sometimes the temptations are irresistible and overwhelming and then sometimes they're not. I'm so happy it wasn't that bad yesterday. I need temptations like that every once in a while.

For dinner, I had Subway. I'm telling you, I'm completely addicted to Subway. So funny, because just 6 or 8 months ago, it would still make me sick to my stomach. I wonder if when they started offering the 9 grain wheat bread, they changed their recipe a bit. It always felt like it was the bread that made me sick. But now, look out! I usually get either a turkey (no cheese) with TONS of veggies on the 9 grain (6 inch of course) or just veggies. I get the light mayo and yellow mustard on it, which is the icing on the cake. Their mayo is so yummy. I know it ads a point to the sandwich, but it's only 5 points for the turkey and 4 points for the veggie. So it's totally worth it!

Usually Saturdays include a huge splurge of some sort. But I didn't splurge.

Today, however, I did splurge, but just a little bit. I had a steak and cheese quesadilla for lunch. It was probably about 15 points, including the sour cream I had with it. It was so yummy, though. Then I had a churro for dessert—probably another 4 points. But I had a 6-point breakfast and only 2 points for dinner and I feel totally satisfied.

All in all, my weekend was pretty good and under control. I feel good. I like feeling good about my food choices. I've been out of control for so long. I'm starting to feel normal again.

I've been noticing over-weight people lately. I think this is helping with my motivation. Because I keep remembering what it was like for me when I was that big. I was miserable. I had no self-worth. I just wanted to hide from the world. Sure, the people who were closest to me were so great about it. They'd never say anything negative and they'd love me no matter what I looked like. Especially my husband, David. He's so supportive. You know after I'd lost a bunch of weight and I started looking good, he said how he always wanted me to lose weight so I could feel as good as I looked. He would never have said anything to me, though, because he loves me no matter what I look like. Proof positive of that was how he treated me—like a queen—when I was 275 pounds. I love him for that. But I know what he was talking about. I feel so much better now. So healthier. So happier. More energy. More happiness. It's been such a hard journey—the hardest thing I've EVER done in my life—but it's been totally worth every second.

I tell you one thing, though, I don't ever want to do this again! Once I lose this weight, I AM NOT gaining it back. No way I can do this again!

Are you with me?

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Weigh in... not exactly a drum roll moment...

Weigh in this morning... I broke even. No gain. No loss. :|

I guess that's better than a gain, right?! I was really expecting a gain, but not for what you think. I did exactly what I did last week but a little more. I ate the same number of points every day and counted my flex points (which were all used last weekend). But this week, I exercised every day. Okay, so walking the dog isn't really exercising, but it's more than I've been doing, right? That's gotta count! I moved more this past week, how's that?

But my daily scale weigh ins at home showed that I'd lost 8/10ths of a pound as of yesterday morning. Then this morning, I was up a whole pound from yesterday's weight. So I figured I was gonna gain when I got to WW. Don't know why the heck I gained a whole pound in one day of eating on points and moving more. Who knows.

But after my 4 pound loss last week, it's okay that I didn't lose this week. It'll all average out, right?

I'm enjoying walking in the mornings with Mocha (a.k.a. the chubby chihuahua). I'm only taking him for half hour walks to start with. I figured I'd do half hour blocks for the coming week as well, then the following week I can start walking with him longer. He hasn't been enjoying himself that much. Yesterday, he stopped after only 10 minutes out and like a stubborn mule, refused to budge another inch. With doggies, I always listen to their instincts. They can sense things that we can't. So we stopped (like I had a choice) and turned around. So we only walked for 20 minutes yesterday.

It's been so nice and cool in the mornings. I LOVE daylight savings in the fall!!

So my goals for the coming week are to focus in on every day, one-at-a-time. Today, my goal is to NOT eat like a pig. I might go over my points for today, but I'm not giving it as much effort as I did last weekend.

We're heading to Steak N Shake for lunch today. Ugh! Nothing healthy there. So I'm gonna go for small portions and reasonable choices. I'm thinking of their hot dog with pico de galo and a small fry and water. I don't know how much their hot dog is, but WW's says a regular hot dog is 7 points. Their small fries are 6 points, UGH! I really don't even like their fries. Maybe I should go for cottage cheese and pineapple instead. It's only 2 points. Yea! That's what I'll do!!

Smart choices. Keep that in the front of your head.

How about you guys? What are your goals for this week?

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The Chubby Chihuahua...

Guess what I did this morning?

I went running! =D

I love this daylight savings time—well, the kind that happens in the fall. (he he)

I got up early Monday morning and took my little chubby chihuahua for a walk. He's about 2 1/2 pounds over weight. For a dog that's supposed to be 9 pounds, that's huge. Or rather, he's huge. :)

He had so much fun. I did too. I love daylight savings!

Then this morning, I decided to try something different. I haven't been running in a LONG time. But guess what? My knee didn't hurt? You wanna know why?

I bought new sneaks!

Yup, it was my sneakers that were making my knee hurt after a couple of miles of running. I'm so relieved.

I saved up and bought a nice pair of Asics. I was so happy once I passed the 2-mile mark this morning and my knee didn't start hurting. At about 2 1/2 miles, I could feel it, but it didn't hurt. It's like it was telling me, hey, I'm down here, just wanted to remind you. But no pain. Yippee!!!

I've got a medical question for you, though. Why does my heart rate always stay so high? I know my heart rate monitor is not malfunctioning because the last few times I went to the gym, I wore it and would periodically check my heart rate on the machines and they'd be exactly the same. The whole time I was running this morning, it stayed between 165 and 178. That's WAY too high. My target heart rate should be between 135-155 with spurts up to 165-175, but not for more than a couple of minutes at a time. I can only get my heart rate that low when I'm walking. What's up with that??

The weird thing is, I feel fine when my heart rate it up that high. I don't feel like I'm over exerting myself. I don't huff and puff. I breath nice and calm like.

My resting heart rate has always been a little on the high side. Usually around 80. Maybe that's it. My heart rate is just high. If anyone know, please tell me.

Oh, and I was thinking of another healthy thing that I enjoy now but would NEVER have eaten before I started my new healthy lifestyle: Subway. I have always hated Subway. It's always made me sick to my stomach after eating there. I always thought it was their bread. Now, who knows but I'm totally addicted. Last time I went, I even got a veggie sandwich. Who knew?! Me, eating a sandwich full of veggies.

So what healthy food do you eat now that you didn't used to eat before you started losing weight? Let me know on my post from a few days ago, click here, and you'll be entered for a chance to win these awesome Measure Up bowls. Contest goes til the 15th. Read this post for the rules.

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The day after the big pastry debacle...

You know, I've been reading and rereading your comments from my last post and you guys came up with some good ones. There were even a couple of good ones on my Facebook post, too. It's made me dig deep to try to figure out what caused the pastry incident. Hmm. This is what I've come up with...

I think the main reason I hid in my car was because I knew I was overdoing it. I'd already eaten very badly at the steak house. Then the HUGE (seriously, it was HUGE) cupcake and I knew if I brought more fattening food into the house, I would feel like a complete and total pig. So I guess I figured that if I hid, eating it in the car, that I wouldn't be a pig. Right? If no one saw me eat, then no harm. Right?

Also, you remember seeing the cartoons of the character who'd get a whiff of something yummy and then they'd float in the air sniffing the smell until they floated right to the source of the good food? That's kinda how it was when I walked into the grocery store and immediately headed for the bakery. I felt so powerless, but completely in control at the same time. Just like Beth said, "Even as I'm doing it, I don't understand why. It's such a powerless, yet driven feeling." The HUGE cupcake just didn't do the trick. I was still craving something sweet. Or maybe the cupcake was just whetting my appetite. I haven't been eating a lot of sugar lately, so maybe I got a good heaping taste of it and just wanted more. But whatever the reason for heading to the bakery and buying the pastry was way too overwhelming.

So last night, I had to go to the grocery store again. (Deep breath.) I went to a different store this time. I didn't want to tempt fate. The whole time driving there I kept saying over and over in my head "don't lose it Cara, stay in control". When I got there, I accidentally entered through the deli and bakery area. (I swear it was not on purpose.) And then I walked around the bakery isles looking at all the goodies. I wanted so badly to choose something delectable. Like, HAVE I NOT LEARNED ANYTHING?!? I kept going over the shame and tears from the night before as I looked at those yummies. No, I would not partake. I did not.

It was the hardest thing, I tell you, but I did not buy anything sweet and bad for me.

So today, on the way home from work, I had to stop at the grocery store yet again (I swear, I keep forgetting things that I need—I'm NOT doing this on purpose). So I made a list before I left work. Check it out:























You like how I added it to my list?? That way I wouldn't even be tempted. And guess what, I wasn't. Yay!

I finally found the French Twists I told you about earlier. After I bought my first tub, they quit selling them. One of my trips to the grocery store this past weekend I asked the manager if she could order them. She did. And today they were in the store. I think these should be a good substitute for the full out bad for me pastries. I do love them so. And I can only eat one at a time. So I'm good for now.

As for the future, like Rebecca (screwdestiny) said, "next time, confront the craving and don't hide behind it." When the next craving comes, confront it. If it's something I have to give into, that's fine, as long as it's within moderation. And by all means, don't hide behind it.

Don't forget to enter my Measure Up Bowls Giveaway contest. See the rules here. Contest ends Nov. 15th.

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One huge moment of humiliation...

Something happened last night that I'm completely ashamed of, but I have to confess it. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to be accountable. So I need to be honest. So here goes. Please don't judge me.

First things first, I splurged a little yesterday and paid for it majorly. I had a 6 oz ribeye (12 pts) with a loaded baked potato (11 pts) and onion petals (9 pts) (buy one get one free coupon at Logans). I felt like I was going to vomit for about an hour afterwards because of all the fat I ate. Ugh! I will not do that again! Then for dessert, about 2-3 hours later, while I was grocery shopping, I picked up a jumbo cupcake from the bakery.

But that wasn't the bad part.

Later in the evening, I had to return to the grocery store for something I'd forgot that I needed for breakfast the next morning. I should not have gone.

I had no reason being in the produce section, but I meanered my way over there. And what's right next to the produce section? The bakery. It's like an invisible force was calling me and all I could do was comply. When I got there, I had no idea what I was going to get, but I was craving something extremely sweet. (As if the cupcake wasn't enough, right?!)

When I made it to the bakery counter, the same lady was behind the counter as before when I bought that ridiculously huge cupcake. I panicked. I thought, I know she'll remember me because I had gotten a quote on a cake from her at the same time and we talked for quite a bit. I was too embarrassed to go up there and ask for another huge sweet thing, so I looked through the goodies that are on the tables in the middle of the room packaged in the clear plastic containers.

All of the containers had too much in them. Like a dozen cookies or 6 cupcakes or 2 dozen donut holes, etc. I kept looking until I found one that had 2 cream filled pastries. They were both huge, but it was the smallest I could find.

So what did I do? After paying for the food and walking out to the car, I got in and drove to a dark part of the parking lot (the sun had already set) and sat there in my car and wolfed down that pastry.

They were probably 8" long, maybe 2" wide, kinda flat with cream cheese filling and powder sugar on top.

I sat in the dark. In my car. Eating the pastry that I was so ashamed to be eating. I kept looking around like I was a shoplifter or something. Like at any minute someone was going to tap on my window and arrest me for hiding and eating in my car.

There I sat, in the dark, shoveling the pastry down my throat as fast as I could (hubby was expecting me back soon because I was only going to the store to get one thing). With every bite, I was so ashamed. This is the way I used to be. Before I started on Weight Watchers, 2 1/2 years ago. I couldn't figure out why I was sitting there eating like I used to.

This is something I'd done a million times before; ordering an extra hamburger at the drive thru and eating it before I got home with everyone else's food (then I'd eat a hamburger in front of my family). Buy a huge bag of ruffles and a block of cream cheese and downing them for lunch and hiding the empty bag and box in the bottom of the trash can so no one would know I ate the whole thing. Etc., etc., etc.

But that was all before I'd figured out why food has a hold on me like it does and recognized that I have the power over it and it doesn't have to control me any more. I'm past all that now.

So why was I sitting there in the dark, hiding my horrible eating from the world.

Remember I said there were two pastries in the container? As I was getting close to the end of the first one, I started thinking how full I was getting and how I didn't know if I could eat the 2nd one. But what would I do with it? I couldn't just throw it away. It was a perfectly good pastry. So I started eating the 2nd one, too.

I took one bite and started to cry. WHAT THE HECK WAS I DOING???!!!! I'm better than this. I'm past this! I've come too far to still sit in the dark and eat.

I threw the last piece back into the container, closed it up, then drove to the closest trash can and threw it away. I had to hide the evidence. After all, hubby had seen me down that HUGE cupcake already that night. If he saw me eating something else just as bad and huge, I'd be so embarrassed.

When I got out of my car and walked to the trash can with the other pastry (minus one bite) in the plastic container, I started thinking that everyone must know exactly what I'm doing. Why else would a grown woman get out of her car and trow away a perfectly good pastry? She must be hiding the fact that she'd already eaten the other one. I knew that everyone walking in and out of the store and in the parking lot and on the side walk just knew exactly how humiliated I was feeling.

I drove home in utter silence.

Right as I was walking into the house, my phone rang. It was hubby wondering where I'd been. I didn't have the courage to tell him I'd been hiding in the dark eating a huge cream fill pastry. So I just shrugged it off.

Now I'm afraid he's gonna read this blog post, but I still have to confess it.

Now if I could just figure out why I did it.

:(

On a slightly different subject, I tried greek yogurt for the first time today. Diane mentioned it while she was entering the Measure Up Bowls giveaway and I've been wanting to try it but couldn't find it. I found it at the grocery store and bought a "fruit on the bottom" peach flavored 6 oz tub and boy was it yummy. I think I like it more than regular yogurt. It has the consistency of sour cream but tastes just like regular yogurt. I think I'll start eating greek yogurt rather than regular yogurt from now on because the container I ate had 19 grams of protein!! How awesome is that!? Other than that, it has the exact same nutritional information as regular yogurt.

And on another slightly different note, have you guys ever heard of Shirataki Noodles? I was thinking about trying them in a pasta dish, like maybe spaghetti or fettuccine.

Don't forget to enter my Measure Up Bowls Giveaway contest. See the rules here. Contest ends Nov. 15th.

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Contest: Eating Healthy Pays Off!

Its weird how my tastes keep changing. I mean, 2 years ago, you couldn't get me close to a plate of kabobs. Now, I'm in love with them. I actually had them 3 days last week and once so far this week.

Hubby and I chop up a sweet onion, a green pepper and 10-12 ounces of top sirloin (very lean) then slip everything onto 3 skewers and plop them on the Foreman Grill for just a few minutes and voila! dinner is served.

The first time we had them, I made some brown rice to go with. I can't stand rice but it seemed like the thing to eat with meat and veggies. I added some steamed corn to the rice so I could tolerate eating it (I have a natural gag reflex to rice when I eat it, don't know why). But I was STUFFED after eating all that food. So the next night, no rice and it was perfect.

It's just funny how my tastes have changed over the course of this weight loss plan. Watermelon used to be a waste of my time—too watery. Now, it's like nectar from the gods.

So what is it that's changed my tastes? Is it that my body is getting used to the new food? Is it perhaps because my body is craving healthy food now that its actually getting some? Or is it just because I can't eat the fatty foods like I used to so I might as well be happy with what I'm allowed to eat? Who knows, but the benefits are wonderful. I feel so much better eating healthy. My body feels good and my mind feels good—like I'm making smart decisions.

So I thought I'd start a contest to find out what you guys eat that's healthy and yummy that you would have never eaten before you started your weight loss plan.

I was given a set of Measure Up bowls to give away on my blog from Heather at Measure Up Bowls. The bowls have ring indent markings on the inside if the bowls to show you where the 1/4 cup, 1/2 cup, 3/4 cup, etc. marks are. So when you're pouring your morning cereal or afternoon snack or bowl of soup, you don't have to worry if you're putting to much in the bowl, you'll just pour until you fill to your desired portion size. How genius is that!?!?

No more "guesstimating" on your portions. I was reading a blog post the other day from Jinxxxygirl and she showed a picture two bowls of cereal sitting on the counter. The one on the left was the serving size suggested on the box. The bowl on the right was the actual amount of cereal she'd been pouring into her bowl every morning. It ends up that she was eating 3 times the serving size and thought she was doing good. She thought she was a little over her servings each morning so she added another point or two but had no idea she'd actually tripled the amount she should be eating.


















It's things like this that trip us up on our weight loss efforts. We think we're doing good, but if we don't measure, we don't know. With these Measure Up bowls, you don't have to worry about getting out the scale or the measuring cups, you just pour to the line that you want and enjoy.

(By the way, if you have a sec, you should check out Heather's weight loss story on the Measure Up website, here.)

So to enter the contest, leave me a comment telling me about the healthy food you eat now that you would have never eaten before you started on your weight loss plan. You can increase your chances of winning by Tweeting about the contest. Just use the hash tag #measureupgiveaway. I'll choose one comment or tweet at random and the winner will get a set of Measure Up bowls—one "Small Bowl" and one "Classic "Bowl". The Classic has 1/2, 1, 1-1/2 and 2 cups premeasured portions on the inside of the bowl and the Small has 1/4, 1/2, and 3/4 cup premeasured portions on the inside of the bowl. Together, it's a $29.99 value. Yours for the taking.

I'll draw one winner at random on November 15th.

(Don't forget, if you want to tweet about it you have to use the #measureupgiveaway hashtag.)

If you want to follow me, my Twitter account is @mag_maker.

Good luck!

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Tuesday ramblings...

So here it is Tuesday and I still haven't made it to the gym. Hubby and I promised each other we'd go to the gym every night this week. What are we waiting for??!! Its almost like if we both don't say anything about it then we really don't have to go. It's our little secret right? Ugh!

Like a few months ago a lady at work and I decided we'd start walking in the mornings again. We both need to walk and we live only a block away from each other so it was perfect. We both walked one morning and we never brought it up again. It's like, if you don't say anything, then it's okay, right? Ugh!! Ugh!!

And I'm having the darnedest time eating 5 fruits and veggies a day. The most I can get in is two. What's up with that??

At WW last weekend, our leader posted the "quote for the week" and I loved it:

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To eat is a necessity
•••
To eat intelligent is an art.
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Boy, that's the truth isn't it? We have to eat. But how we eat what we eat is the magical part. Its where science becomes art.

Oh, I found something so amazingly yummy that I HAVE to share with you guys. Audrey, from WW, first told me about these weeks ago, but I just this week tried them. They're my new favorite thing of all times.

French Twists... I love the tag line underneath the product name "Layers of Sweet Puffed Pastry". It really should say "Layers of Sweet Heaven".

They're light and flaky and a bit crispy but in the lightest way possible. The container I got was a plastic tub (about the size of an extra large margarine tub) and each twist was about 3 inches long.

Two twists was only 60 calories, 2 grams of fat and 4 grams of sugar. But the best part is that the type of sugar that's in the ingredients is good for you sugar. Check out the ingredients: High protein wheat flour [whole grain goodness], soy oil [healthy oil], palm oil [a natural appetite suppressant] beet sugar [great for your body], cinnamon [great for your blood sugar] and salt [probably to offset the sweetness of the beet sugar]. That's it! Totally healthy for you and it sure doesn't taste like it.

I wish there was some way you could taste the picture on the screen. They are truly amazing! Here's their website if you wanna try and find where they sell them in your area. I bought mine at Publix.

Enjoy.

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Helping to find a cure for breast cancer...

I participated in the Susan G. Komen Central Florida Race for the Cure yesterday morning and boy did it kick my butt!

I've been wanting to run in the Race for the Cure 5K for quite a while now, since before I did my first 5K. And it was everything I'd hoped it would be.

I didn't do the competitive run, I just did the fun run, but I timed myself. My time was about the same as my first 5K was. Weird. Because that was 8 1/2 months ago and I've run another 5K and a 10K since then and I really thought I'd be able to run a faster time. I really pushed hard, too.

After the 2 mile mark, I had to start speed walking because my left knee started hurting again. Darn knee! It'll usually start hurting after a couple of miles of running. But I speed walked for about 3/4 of a mile then I started running again. Pushed through the pain. Once I hit the 3-mile mark, I kicked it in gear and ran full out.

I thought I was going to die before I made it across the finish line. My heart rate went all the way up to 198. Ugh! I know, NOT good!! But I just wanted to push as hard as I could. I was totally inspired by the event and by the courageous women running with me.

They had these "back signs" that you could get (letter size pieces of colorful paper) that you could write down someone's name on who either died from (in memory of) breast cancer or who has survived it (in celebration of) and pin them to your back while you raced. And the whole time I was running, I kept reading the back signs of the runners who passed me. Most of them would have a woman's name but some said in memory of "my mom", "my wife", "my sister" and some said in celebration of "my mom", "my wife", and "my sister". Whenever I saw these, they just lifted me up and encouraged me to keep pushing. Running in a 5K and being completely exhausted and spent is NOTHING compared to what they each had to go through or are still going through.

So when my heart rate got up that high, I just pierced my eyes on the back signs and kept pushing.

Through the whole race, I kept hearing what sounded like someone following me, like their sneakers were scuffing on the pavement behind me. But whenever I'd look back, there was no one there. Kept bugging me. I thought there'd be someone there but then I thought maybe they got around me before I could see them or something. Then just before the finish line I figured out what it was. It was my back sign. It was scuffing up against my back.

I had written down my husband's aunt's name on my back sign. She died almost 20 years ago of breast cancer. She was one of those who knew there was something wrong and didn't want to go to the doctor for fear that there really would be something wrong. So it was way too far along to do anything about it by the time she went to the doctor.

Merle Odom was her name.

So about the time I realized that it was my back sign making me think there was someone behind me, it dawned on me that there was someone behind me—Merle. She was running right behind me in the race, I know she was. Then I knew I'd be able to finish and finish strong. And I did!

So what that my finishing time was a bit worse than my first 5K over 8 months ago. So what that my average heart rate was 178 beats per minute. So what that I just about passed out as I crossed the finish line. I did it! And I finished strong knowing that what I was doing was helping us get one step closer to the cure to breast cancer.

I think I'll run in the Race for the Cure every year from now on. It's really the least I can do, right?

If any of you would like to donate to the Susan G. Koman fight to find a cure for breast cancer, here's a link to my fund-raising page. I'm trying to raise $150 to help find a cure. Just click on the "Donate to Cara!" link under my picture to donate online. You can also print out a donation form and mail in your check. Thank you for anything you can give. <3

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