Cara's Weightloss Journal

Day two was just as good as day one.

I stayed on points and exercised at lunch again today. Although, I’m really not crazy about working out at lunch. I don’t sweat very much and I exercise right under the fan (on full blast) but I still feel sticky when I sit at my desk in the afternoons. And I’m so afraid I stink and can’t smell myself. But I just don’t know when I can exercise other than lunch. I can’t do it before work at home and it’s too dark to do it outside (hopefully when the time changes I’ll have more daylight in the mornings). I can’t do it at night. Tomorrow, I’m taking a break and not working out at lunch. I’m really sore and I don’t want to burn out on it. Let’s just hope I have the determination to do it on Thursday at lunch. It’ll be hard, but I’m gonna try.

I thought I went over on my points for dinner, but I looked up my food on the WW website and found out it was about half the points I thought it was. So booyah!!

I’m a little nervous, though, because it was spaghetti. I measured out a half cup of pasta (it was Barilla Plus Omega 3 pasta that has extra protein and fiber) and a half a cup of spaghetti sauce. It didn’t look like a whole lot on my plate, but I chopped it up and spread it out on the plate (a smaller plate, mind you) to make it look like more than it was. But I looked at the box and jar and I figured the whole thing was around 10 points. But WW said it was 4 points. I compromised and called it 7 points because I really think it should have been more points than a measly 4. Plus, I did workout today and so I have a few activity points to use up. :)

I just hope the small amount of spaghetti sticks in my tummy for the rest of the night.

I found some no sugar added fudge (popsicle) bars (Fudgcicle brand) that are only 1 point for 2 fudge bars!!! And they’re SOOOO yummy!!! I don’t even notice I’m eating diet ice cream. In case my spaghetti doesn’t make it through the night I can have one (or maybe 2) as a treat.

I’m not declaring victory quite yet, though, I’m still taking this one day at a time. I’m still fighting the urge to eat whatever & whenever I want. You’re right, Diana, everyone does say it gets easier with time. I’ve been under that spell for the past 2 years. It still hasn’t gotten easier. No, it’s gotten harder. I think it was because I was relying on the fact that it would getting easier.

And, Shelley, I’ll have to pull out my week one WW books to look up the filling foods. I know I’m going to need variety and most of the filling foods I know of are somewhat high in points.

You know, Mary Fran, I’ve thought of posting my food intake on my blog and I might do that one day. But for now if I have to go to the computer to log something in, I won’t do it. I used to. I’ve tried all kinds of online food diaries and I’ve used the WW online points tracker off and on for the past 2 1/2 years and I’ve even tried Tweeting my food intake, but nothing seems to work for me for very long. I don’t know how long the cutesy notebook will last, but it’s working for now. We’ll see how it goes.

Thank you guys, so much, for all your suggestions and encouragement. I love it! And I need it!

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So far, so good.

Today was a somewhat significant day in my weight loss journey. As you can tell from my last post, things aren’t going the greatest for me right now. And I have to say that each and every one of your comments meant alot and really helped me get my head a little closer to being screwed on straight.

But the comment that struck me the most was from my WW leader, Ned. Check it out:

But guess what, the topic of the meeting just happened to be goal setting and motivation. Can you believe it?! Exactly what I needed. I don’t know if my leader did that on purpose or if it was a wonderful coincidence. He talked about how hard it is to find motivation sometimes and no matter how bad we might want to lose weight, sometimes the motivation just doesn’t come. It was like he was talking just to me, although I think he was intentionally not looking at me so I wouldn’t feel more uncomfortable.

He talked about how we can lean on each other and the meeting leaders to help us through the hard parts of our weight loss journey and how we’re not alone when we can’t find the motivation to continue on. He was saying how we’re all a family and we all want each other to succeed and that if any of us are struggling for us to lean on each other to make it through.

I tell you, I started tearing up right in the middle of it all. He really spoke to my heart. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

I went up after class and gave him a big hug and told him thanks for helping me get my head back in the game.

Now, I’m not saying that was a miracle cure all, I’m still struggling with finding the motivation to eat right and exercise, but at least now I know I’m not in this alone and I have people who really care about me and want to help me however they can.

I mean you guys too! You guys help me so much by leaving me those encouraging comments. You have no idea how much I pour over every comment you leave. Even if it’s a short note just to say you understand or you’re proud of me. Every comment you leave inspires me to keep going.

So thanks, Ned. And thanks to you who are reading this blog and encouraging me to continue on. I still have a long way to go. I mean, I’ve only lost 2.5 pounds this past year and I still have to make it down to 145 as my ultimate goal.

Right now, I can be honest and tell you, I gained almost 10 pounds last week. (I cringed as I typed that.) I didn’t want to admit that to anyone. I didn’t weigh in this morning (took a no-weigh-in-pass). But I’ll face the music next week. I’m not making any huge promises to myself about eating right or exercising. I’m just going to take this one day at a time. One baby step at a time and keep finding encouragement in what I’ve heard from you guys and keep going.

I’ll find the motivation. It’ll come. Heck, maybe I’ve already got it I just don’t realize it yet. But I won’t give up. I will make it to goal. And I will keep this weight off no matter whether I ever find motivation or not.

Thanks guys! I love you!!!

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I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I CAN’T find the motivation to want to lose weight.

I’m so disgusted at my size and I absolutely HATE how my fat rolls pooch out over top of my jeans like muffin tops with acne scares. I hate it when I run up the stairs at work and can feel my flab just flabbing away.

But I keep eating.

And not exercising.

Every day.

What is wrong with me??

Why can’t I snap out of this??

I thought after I’d come to the reality that I’ve only lost 2.5 pounds over the past 12 months, that would be the slap in the face I need to get me back on track. I mean, I’ve never, not for one week, stopped dieting. I still have perfect attendance at Weight Watchers. Sure, I’ve taken a few no-weigh-in passes this past year, but I’ve stayed on plan the majority of the time. I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I’ve sacrificed and “gone without” for a whole year and I’m basically back where I started. Why would anyone, in their right mind, do that??

It baffles the mind!!!

But here I sit with a full tummy of cheese coffee cake and still no exercise this week.

When am I ever going to find the motivation to lose weight again?

How am I ever going to find the motivation?

What is wrong with me?????

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Yesterday, I turned 43.

Wow! What a mouthful!

I had a great day, too. It started out wonderful because I lost a pound. A whole pound! I was so excited and SO surprised.

I always weigh myself at home before I go to weight watchers each Saturday morning. Last Saturday morning, I weight 169.0 lbs. Yesterday morning, I weighed 169.0. So I was fully expecting a break even or maybe even a slight gain. So I was thoroughly shocked when Barb said I lost a pound! I squealed!! Couldn’t believe it!

I had stuck to my eating plan, for the most part. I sprinkled exercise very lightly throughout the week. So I wasn’t expecting anything great. I would be satisfied with a break-even.

My husband has renewed his weight loss efforts which is helping me stay focused on my eating and exercising. Although I know I really need to step up my exercise MUCH more than I’m doing now. I’m convinced if I can just workout regularly, the pounds will just fall off. Or at least the inches will fall off. I’m so tired of carrying all this extra skin and flab around. And I know the only way I’m going to get rid of the flappers is to exercise hard. Not just cardio (but I do need to continue doing that too) but hard, muscle aching exercise. I just need to find the will power to do it on a regular basis rather than sporadically and haphazardly.

Where do I find that will power?

I get it for short spurts at a time, but it never stays for long.