Cara's Weightloss Journal

Lately I’ve been dealing with the issue of taking things to personally. The other day at work, I caught a person in an obvious lie in an attempt to cover a mistake they had made. I know people lie, but I really took it personal. As if they lied to hurt me.

It was only after a conversation with someone I really trust that I realized the lie had nothing to do with me. The person telling the lie would have told it to anyone. It was something they were doing to protect them self, not to hurt me. In the future I will strive to understand the difference. Not every action a person takes is meant for me. Even if it is directed to me.

If I would have realized this sooner, it would have prevented me from reacting in a negative way and making a bad situation even worse.

I pray for the strength to recognize my weakness in this area and for the strength to over come it.

Doubt. This is a word that has always plagued my Christian walk. I tend to be a very analytical person and in my head the “God” thing sometimes just doesn’t add up. How is it that some invisible entity could have created everything? Also, if He truly is omnipresent and has existed forever, what did He do before He created everything?

I can understand why an all-powerful being would get lonely after awhile, and I can understand why He would have created us to have a relationship. But, if this is the case, why do it the way He did? Why not just create heaven, put us there, let us all be happy, and get on with the whole relationship thing? Couldn’t He do this? After all, He is God right?

I used to be of the mind that by asking these questions it prevented me from being a “real” Christian. If I truly believe in God, why would I still have these thoughts? I hear so many people give testimony about when they gave their life to the Lord everything changed and all doubt was washed away. If this is true, why am I different? Did I not say the sinner’s prayer correctly? Did I not really mean it even if I thought I did? Why me? Why am I different?

Many prayers later, and I mean a lot, I still didn’t have the answer. Then, one day God brought a person into my life that had just the right words I needed to hear to help me understand my doubt. You see, if God just created heaven and us and all was okay, where would our free will be? If you were born seeing God, you really wouldn’t have a choice to not worship Him. By going though life, we have the opportunity to seek Him out and grow. By having a measure of doubt we then have the option to choose to believe. God already had the angels around Him, but He wanted a true relationship of choice so we could have a true and honest relationship. This way, when we say we love Him, He knows we mean it, and it means more to Him because we love Him by choice, not because we were made that way.

So what do we do with doubt? I think we should embrace it. I think we should be grateful that we have such an awesome God that He allows us to have doubt. I think He wants us to ask the tough questions. This is the process that allows us to grow with Him. Doubt is okay as long as we use it as a way to ask questions and learn more about Him.

Back to the issue of, “Why am I different?”. Because He made me that way. My walk is different than anyone else’s. There is no way to compare, so I shouldn’t try. He wants a unique and special relationship with each and every one of us, so our paths must be different. It’s His plan, and now that I understand that, I embrace my unique walk with Him. It’s mine. A gift from Him unique for me.

So, about the cross inside me. I know I have one in my heart, but I now have one on my arm. This, for me, is a constant reminder that He is always with me, even in my deepest times of doubt. It also allows me unique opportunities to share the concept of the cross with people who see it.

I have no doubt that He is “always with me” even when I have doubt. Cool stuff, huh?

Well, I’m still in the game. I’m not gonna quit ’til I achieve the highest level possible. I’m not sure what level that is, but I’m gonna make it.

You ever play some of those Facebook games? Some of them are kinda cool. Some of them are just down right snarky and “are you kidding me?!”. I’ve started playing a new one called Baking Life. It’s kinda cute. Kinda basic. But I thoroughly enjoy it. I can bake cupcakes, tiramisu,  meringue pie, brownies, and stuff like that. I’m at level 37 (or something like that) and I don’t know what the top level is. I can’t find it in the documentation or help section anywhere. So i don’t know what the top level is. But I still want to try and reach it–whatever it is!

That’s kinda how I feel with my weight loss right now. I don’t know what the top level is or rather then “end” of my journey, but I’m going to keep going until I get there.

Sounds pretty sadomasochistic to me! It’s like someone handing you a book to read, but every time you turn the page, you’re no closer to the end of the book. But it’s such a good book, you just can’t put it down.

So I’m going to whine and complain about this “never ending” journey I’m on with the hopes that some day, I’ll see the end of the trail. 

And my hope is that you’ll be traveling right along side with me keeping me company. And likewise, I’ll be keeping you company. Together, I know we’ll reach the top level and declare victory! I know it!

So last week I had a horrible detour back a couple of levels. I told you I gained like 5 or 6 pounds in the matter of just a few days. … Miracle upon miracle, I was able to get them off before the end of the week. By last Saturday, I’d only gained 4/10ths of a pound.

You know how I did it? I drastically reduced my calorie intake for a couple of days. NOT RECOMMENDED!!! Please do not try this at home! But it worked, in a pinch.

You know those cereal box diets where they say give us 6 weeks and you’ll lose 10 pounds? Well, that’s an awful short period of time to lose 10 pounds. But it’s basically just reducing your calorie intake over a short period of time. Something that’s okay, but not recommended for a long period of time.

But it worked for me.

Then this past week, I was up almost 4 pounds by the end of last weekend and I was able to get all but 8/10ths of it back off (I gained 8/10ths at this morning’s weigh in). 

All I did to lose that weight was just to eat my regular 21 points a day and ate balanced foods, lots of water, high protein and fiber, etc.

Now my challenge for this weekend is to only gain 2 pounds. I’m tired of gaining 4-6 pounds on the weekends and then striving all week to get it back off. NOT FUN! But 2 pounds I can handle.

So today, I’m splurging on my yummy yummy foods, but not TOO much. Probably use up most of my flex points. Tomorrow I may indulge a bit, but it’ll be very small portions so I can stay on points for the day. Then hopefully by next Saturday I will have actually pulled a loss.

I mean I’m only about 7 pounds away from goal. And each week I lose anywhere from 3 to 6 pounds just from eating on plan. Imagine how well I’ll do if I just stick to the plan all weekend. I don’t think I’m ready to give up my Saturday splurges quite yet, but I think I’m ready to be a little more sensible about them. And then give up my Sunday splurges altogether. And by “splurge” I mean, eating what I want and how much of it I want.

Thank you for all your encouragement lately. I means so much to me. More than you could possibly know. Together we’ll make it to the top level and win the big prize. (I hope mine’s more than just a brightly colored jewel :)

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This is totally legit. I just ordered it myself. You get a year of Weight Watchers magazine for only $2.99.

Here’s the link: http://www.tanga.com/products/weight-watchers-magazine-subscription–6?utm_source=Tanga+Newsletter&utm_campaign=4625652480-Tanga_s_June_Newsletter_June_17th_20106_16_2010&utm_medium=email

You can even buy multiple years for the same price.

When you first click the link, it’ll say the subscription price is $14.99 but if you type in LOSE in the Coupon Code field (and click “continue” to update your cart) the price will change to $2.99.

Go Tanga!!


Pass this along to everyone you know. The coupon code doesn’t stay good for very long. Sometimes these coupon codes will change, too, and you’ll get it for $3.99 or $4.99. So act fast!!


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Here I sit… 6 pounds from goal.

6 pounds…

6 pounds might as well be 50. I can’t believe the week I’ve had.

I’ve actually gained 5 pounds since last Saturday’s weigh in. So technically, I’m 11 pounds from goal. What the heck!?

For no reason, I decided to have pizza Tuesday night. That wouldn’t have been so bad, but I had 2 cheesy bread sticks and about 8 or 10 of those Hershey’s Chocolate Dunkers from Pizza Hut. The picture says it all.


Then for another “no reason at all” we decided to splurge last night and went out for steak. We haven’t been out to eat in SO long (other than the obligatory Saturday lunch with the in-laws) in forEVER.


Steak wouldn’t have been all that bad if I didn’t get the buttery mashed potatoes to go with it and the salad with chipotle ranch dressing and the cheese fries as an appetizer (of course, loaded with bacon and cheese and TONs of ranch dressing).


Why?


No reason in particular. I guess I was just feeling particularly self-destructive.


I’ve eaten sensible since then. But I think I’ve done too much damage to be repaired in time for Saturday morning’s weigh in.


I don’t get it. I know what to do and I just don’t do it. And I take no pleasure in it whatsoever.


Does this ever happen to you? What do you guys do when you do this? Please help me get past this. I just want to be at goal. I’ve been 10 pounds away from goal since a year ago this month. Now that I’m getting so close, why is this happening. I just want to be done!

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