Cara's Weightloss Journal

At Weight Watchers yesterday, my leader challenged us to be good at least ONE weekend day. To track our points and stay on plan. Well, this is something I’ve been trying to do for weeks… months… heck, maybe even years. So I was up for the challenge.

…

Here I sit at the end of my Sunday, a complete failure.

I knew I was going to splurge a little on Saturday. I always do. That one is hard for me to not do. But if I could just figure out how to be good on Sundays! I don’t think it’s genetically possible.

I posted a blog about this a while back and I got a comment back from a very nice gentleman suggesting that I change my perspective on splurges and indulgences. If I could eat the food that I like on a regular basis and still stay on plan, that would be the answer.

I’ve actually been doing that lately and it’s really been helping my weight loss. I’ve lost a total of 3.8 lbs over the past 3 weeks. I’ve been eating primarily low carb/high protein/high fiber foods (Weight Watchers calls these Power Foods). I haven’t been watching the fat content too closely, though, but it seems to be working.

The most important part is that I truly enjoy the food I’m eating on a regular basis. I eat full fat cheese, regular eggs, bacon, real mayo, etc. I just eat less of it and concentrate the majority of my diet on low carbs/high protein, etc.

So why the heck do I splurge on crap foods on the weekends!?

I mean, when I say I’m thoroughly enjoying my diet (not the word diet as in the “d” word, but the word diet as in the type of foods I eat). I can eat foods I haven’t eaten in years and I’m loving it. In fact, I keep small 1″ cubes of full fat sharp cheddar cheese in my fridge to snack on whenever I want. I usually on eat 1 or 2 squares at a time and I only do this once or twice a day, but it’s there for me whenever I want it. And I love it!

This is what makes me mad… Saturday night I had fried chicken and mashed potatoes. I didn’t even want it. I knew what the breading, grease and potatoes would do to my body. I knew I’d feel like crap as soon as I got done eating. And boy did I! I literally thought if I could just puke, I’d feel better. I had so many tums that night it was sad.

Then I woke up this morning and we went to McDonalds for breakfast. Why?! I don’t know. Neither one of us wanted the junk food. And for dinner… Wendys!!

I’m so stinking mad!!!

You know the sad part about it? I don’t even like bread, so I don’t miss it one bit! I don’t really miss potatoes because when I ate them this weekend, they didn’t really taste that good. I kept wishing I was eating a steak and veggies. Or a lettuce wrap roast beef sandwich.

I truly believe the only reason I splurge and indulge like this on the weekend is… well, is… is because I can.

I know I don’t want to.

But I do it because I can.

And now I feel like a complete failure.

I’ll bet I gained those 4 pounds back just over these past 2 days. And look at what I ate! What the heck! I don’t even like Wendy’s!!!

I’m going through so much in my head lately. I’ve really started rethinking a lot of things. Mainly, how I think and feel about “weight loss”.

I’ve been doing a lot of research (which I’ll post about soon) about why our bodies get fat (or rather store fat), how the process happens, what types of foods encourage our body to store fat, and how it makes us feel when we eat certain foods. And I’m looking at food an entirely different way.

I’m even considering going back to school to become a nutritionist. But that’s a WHOLE other post.

I’ve been struggling to lose these last 30/40 pounds for almost 3 years, now (never missing one meeting of Weight Watchers, mind you). You’d think I’d have it all straight in my head by now. But I was talking with a guy at work today (who knows a LOT about nutrition and dieting) and it occurred to me that my weight loss is a whole lot less of a physical reaction than it is an emotional and mental battle.

Now, this isn’t a particularly new concept to me. I mean, I’ve blogged about it before. And I KNOW this weight loss thing is ALL in my head. But when I was talking with him today, and hearing how he has the same feelings about weight loss as I do (which I was surprised because he’s such a health nut and is always working out), I told him about an episode of David Letterman I saw a while ago. Jason Bateman was a guest. When he first walked out, I thought to myself, MAN he looks skinny! And as soon as he sat down, David asked him about it. After a few jokes, Jason made this statement about how he is able to stay so thin: “I have to spend at least 2 hours on the treadmill every day … because I have a 300-pound man screaming to get out of me.”

THAT is exactly how I feel. I truly feel like I have a 300-pound woman trapped inside me fighting me every waking hour to get out. It literally is an internal battle every waking hour of my life (and in my dreams too, actually). And the sad part is… I don’t see any end to the struggle. I mean, even when (IF) I ever reach goal, I truly believe she’ll still be inside of me.

I’m not sure what to do with the thought of that.

That’s a hard thing to face. It almost sounds a little demented–mentally, that is.

Have you guys ever felt this way? How do you deal with it?

I feel like I should start going to therapy or something. I’m just not sure how to battle this fat woman inside of me. She’s got to lose her grip on me at some point, don’t you think?

I mean, I’m going to continue the battle. I’m not going to stop trying to lose weight. And I’m going to figure out the physiology behind what makes me fat and how to combat it, but in the mean time, I guess I just have to take it one step at a time, one bite at a time, and ask her to try and play nicely.

I found this REALLY cool video that explains, in simple words that even I can understand, how fat is processed in the body and shows exactly why we get fat (well, the physical reason we get fat). Let me know what you think.

I found a very interesting article yesterday. It was in the February issue of Reader’s Digest. It was an interview with Gary Taubes who wrote the book Why We Get Fat—and What to Do About It last winter.

The article started by confessing that Taubes has been called “a dangerous cherry picker of data—someone who searches through decades of studies to weave together the bits he likes.” But in the past five years, top researchers, after recent compelling studies on obesity and weight loss, are now starting to take his arguments very seriously.

What Taubes has been saying lately is, basically that the theories of “calories in-calories out” and low-fat diets are just about completely backwards from what science has been proving for decades about how to lose weight.

Here’s are a few things he says…

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I’m not sure what happened, but I think I somehow got some wires crossed when I switched my blog from Blogger to WordPress last week. I didn’t notice it until today, but it had not been sending out my blog posts as emails (or RSS) for those of you who subscribe to my blog via email (or RSS).

I think it’s fixed, now. At least I hope it is. I’m hoping you’re reading this blog post from your email (or RSS reader) okay. Please leave me a comment on one of the blog posts below if you got it so I can know it is working.

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