Sep 14, 2011 - my journey    7 Comments

What’s going on inside my head/body…

weight loss, dieting, weight watchers, lose 100 pounds, lose weightI’m going through so much in my head lately. I’ve really started rethinking a lot of things. Mainly, how I think and feel about “weight loss”.

I’ve been doing a lot of research (which I’ll post about soon) about why our bodies get fat (or rather store fat), how the process happens, what types of foods encourage our body to store fat, and how it makes us feel when we eat certain foods. And I’m looking at food an entirely different way.

I’m even considering going back to school to become a nutritionist. But that’s a WHOLE other post.

I’ve been struggling to lose these last 30/40 pounds for almost 3 years, now (never missing one meeting of Weight Watchers, mind you). You’d think I’d have it all straight in my head by now. But I was talking with a guy at work today (who knows a LOT aboutĀ nutritionĀ and dieting) and it occurred to me that my weight loss is a whole lot less of a physical reaction than it is an emotional and mental battle.

Now, this isn’t a particularly new concept to me. I mean, I’ve blogged about it before. And I KNOW this weight loss thing is ALL in my head. But when I was talking with him today, and hearing how he has the same feelings about weight loss as I do (which I was surprised because he’s such a health nut and is always working out), I told him about an episode of David Letterman I saw a while ago. Jason Bateman was a guest. When he first walked out, I thought to myself, MAN he looks skinny! And as soon as he sat down, David asked him about it. After a few jokes, Jason made this statement about how he is able to stay so thin: “I have to spend at least 2 hours on the treadmill every day … because I have a 300-pound man screaming to get out of me.”

THAT is exactly how I feel. I truly feel like I have a 300-pound woman trapped inside me fighting me every waking hour to get out. It literally is an internal battle every waking hour of my life (and in my dreams too, actually). And the sad part is… I don’t see any end to the struggle. I mean, even when (IF) I ever reach goal, I truly believe she’ll still be inside of me.

I’m not sure what to do with the thought of that.

That’s a hard thing to face. It almost sounds a little demented–mentally, that is.

Have you guys ever felt this way? How do you deal with it?

I feel like I should start going to therapy or something. I’m just not sure how to battle this fat woman inside of me. She’s got to lose her grip on me at some point, don’t you think?

I mean, I’m going to continue the battle. I’m not going to stop trying to lose weight. And I’m going to figure out the physiology behind what makes me fat and how to combat it, but in the mean time, I guess I just have to take it one step at a time, one bite at a time, and ask her to try and play nicely.


  • such a fantastic and rawhonest post.
    and I get this.
    right now my struggle isnt fitness but it is the same.
    each moment each choice I need to FOCUS and be present and CHOOSE the right decision for me.

  • Wow I love your post so honest. I’ve felt this way at some point. I was 271 & just couldn’t get myself to work out or eat right I just couldn’t do it. Then finally I prayed & asked the Lord to guide me to what method would be best from me. Then I started weight Watchers again & in 3 months lost 19 pounds & went from a size 22 to a 20.. I felt better about myself because I was doing it but was discouraged at the same time that I only went down one size.. Then my partner would cheat all the time so I had little motivation. Then my husband & I were led to this doctor by our Christian radio station for another reason other than weight loss & we found out he specialized in weight loss. So we thought about it & that’s when I started my HCG journey.. The first 40 days I lost about 24 pounds & went from a size 20 to a 14.. Now I’m on my 2nd 40 rounds and have lost 19.5 pounds in 37 days…It’s work everyday it’s not easy but Let me tell you I feel better about myself and a lot more confident.. But I had to be ready on the inside I had to kill the fat girl inside of me… lol. I just couldn’t take it no more I was miserable & very unhappy with myself everytime I looked in the mirror. Let me tell you Prayer & strength from the Lord is what helped me :)

    • Hi Shan,

      What’s HCG?

      Congrats on the success you’ve had! Man, if I could just lose 24 pounds in 40 days…. I’d be on top of the world. Great accomplishment!!!

  • Yes! I totally know what you and Jason Bateman are talking about.
    I just discovered your blog tonight and am loving it already. I can’t wait to read more and more!
    Congratulations on all of your weight loss so far!

  • Great post. Admin you have provide great and useful information through this blog. And for Cara I think these days, there is simply no limitation on the type of products and methods available to reduce the weight and bring your body to proper shape. And HCG is the one of the best product that helps to reduce weight. HCG is a natural hormone that the body already produces. More importantly HCG diet is one of the most effective diet plans to loose the weight. The most important thing is follow the rules by routine. And also it has not side effects.

  • I’m very impressed of your blog with attractive posts. Your blog is number one beautiful. Happy new year to you and wish you the best of luck.

Got anything to say? Go ahead and leave a comment!