Cara's Weightloss Journal

At Weight Watchers yesterday, my leader challenged us to be good at least ONE weekend day. To track our points and stay on plan. Well, this is something I’ve been trying to do for weeks… months… heck, maybe even years. So I was up for the challenge.

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Here I sit at the end of my Sunday, a complete failure.

I knew I was going to splurge a little on Saturday. I always do. That one is hard for me to not do. But if I could just figure out how to be good on Sundays! I don’t think it’s genetically possible.

I posted a blog about this a while back and I got a comment back from a very nice gentleman suggesting that I change my perspective on splurges and indulgences. If I could eat the food that I like on a regular basis and still stay on plan, that would be the answer.

I’ve actually been doing that lately and it’s really been helping my weight loss. I’ve lost a total of 3.8 lbs over the past 3 weeks. I’ve been eating primarily low carb/high protein/high fiber foods (Weight Watchers calls these Power Foods). I haven’t been watching the fat content too closely, though, but it seems to be working.

The most important part is that I truly enjoy the food I’m eating on a regular basis. I eat full fat cheese, regular eggs, bacon, real mayo, etc. I just eat less of it and concentrate the majority of my diet on low carbs/high protein, etc.

So why the heck do I splurge on crap foods on the weekends!?

I mean, when I say I’m thoroughly enjoying my diet (not the word diet as in the “d” word, but the word diet as in the type of foods I eat). I can eat foods I haven’t eaten in years and I’m loving it. In fact, I keep small 1″ cubes of full fat sharp cheddar cheese in my fridge to snack on whenever I want. I usually on eat 1 or 2 squares at a time and I only do this once or twice a day, but it’s there for me whenever I want it. And I love it!

This is what makes me mad… Saturday night I had fried chicken and mashed potatoes. I didn’t even want it. I knew what the breading, grease and potatoes would do to my body. I knew I’d feel like crap as soon as I got done eating. And boy did I! I literally thought if I could just puke, I’d feel better. I had so many tums that night it was sad.

Then I woke up this morning and we went to McDonalds for breakfast. Why?! I don’t know. Neither one of us wanted the junk food. And for dinner… Wendys!!

I’m so stinking mad!!!

You know the sad part about it? I don’t even like bread, so I don’t miss it one bit! I don’t really miss potatoes because when I ate them this weekend, they didn’t really taste that good. I kept wishing I was eating a steak and veggies. Or a lettuce wrap roast beef sandwich.

I truly believe the only reason I splurge and indulge like this on the weekend is… well, is… is because I can.

I know I don’t want to.

But I do it because I can.

And now I feel like a complete failure.

I’ll bet I gained those 4 pounds back just over these past 2 days. And look at what I ate! What the heck! I don’t even like Wendy’s!!!

I found a very interesting article yesterday. It was in the February issue of Reader’s Digest. It was an interview with Gary Taubes who wrote the book Why We Get Fat—and What to Do About It last winter.

The article started by confessing that Taubes has been called “a dangerous cherry picker of data—someone who searches through decades of studies to weave together the bits he likes.” But in the past five years, top researchers, after recent compelling studies on obesity and weight loss, are now starting to take his arguments very seriously.

What Taubes has been saying lately is, basically that the theories of “calories in-calories out” and low-fat diets are just about completely backwards from what science has been proving for decades about how to lose weight.

Here’s are a few things he says…

Read more »

Well, I did it. I weighed in this morning. I sure didn’t want to, but I had no choice.

The good news (well, kinda) is that I only gained (officially) 2.2 pounds.

Whew!

I was TRULY expecting a 5 pound gain. When I weighed myself at home this morning before I went to Weight Watchers I was still up 4.8 pounds from what I weighed at home Saturday before last.

It’s so confusing because at home I’m up 5 pounds. At Weight Watchers I’m up only 2.2 and at the gym I’m up only 1 pound … all from 2 Saturday’s ago. I weight myself at the gym every Saturday morning just after breakfast (after Weight Watchers). So I’m weighing at the exact same time on the exact same scales in all three places each Saturday morning. Ugh!   …I digress.

Okay, back to the good part. I can handle only a 2.2 pound gain. I’m still above the 100 pound mark. My total loss is still 103.8 pounds (that’s my Weight Watcher’s loss–I always like to state that because I lost 10 lbs on NutraSystems the year before I started Weight Watchers and I like to add those 10 lbs in there whenever I can–so it’s a total of 113.8).

I tell you, if I had dipped below the 100 pound mark I can’t image what would have happened. I don’t ever–ever–want to go below that mark again. And I tell you I was completely petrified that I’d done that. So I’m SO ecstatic that I didn’t. So, yay!

My husband (who is the most wonderful man on this planet) and I had a discussion this morning that really got me to thinking. We were talking about how just about all I ever talk about is food or weight loss. Sure, we have other conversations, but inevitably, food will somehow get worked into every conversation. And you know, that’s true. If I’m not talking about what I ate, I’m talking about what I’m going to eat or what I want to eat or what I want to bake or cook. And I have to be honest, probably at least 50% (if not more) of the shows I like to watch on TV are related to food, somehow.

It is like an obsession with me.

But the weird part is, I’m not sure how to turn it off or slow it down. I mean, #1, I do love food. Everything about it. And, #2, I have to always be thinking about and planning what I’m going to eat or how this or that will effect my weight loss efforts or (lately) how it’ll effect my exercise efforts. I see no way around those types of thoughts.

But the more I think about it, the more I think I can take control of the “afterthoughts”. I think those are the one’s I should learn to let go. The things like “Oh, I had the most wonderful “whatever-it-is” for lunch today (and then I proceed to go into great detail about every taste and bite and texture)” or “I’m so mad that I ate those chips last night” or “I’ll bet you if I wouldn’t have eaten that piece of cake I would have lost weight this week” or even something as harmless ad “Ooo, did you see that? That casserole looks amazing! I wonder how many point it is?”.

I’m seeing that there’s a difference between planning about what I’m going to eat and obsessing over what I’ve already eaten and have no control over or contemplating something that I know I can’t eat (or don’t want to because it would either be too many points or would send me off the deep end wanting more and more).

I’m not sure if any of this is making sense. It does seem like such a fine line, but I think it’s one that needs distinction. All I know is that I can’t keep this up. I do obsess over every kind of food and everything associated with food. And I know it’s not healthy.

Did you know that I have not one but TWO food calendars in my cubical at work? Yup, I have a scrumptious calendar that has huge, very fattening, very luscious looking photos for each month and to offset that I got a “Healthified” calendar that hangs right next to it so I could justify looking at the “bad for me” foods. That’s just messed up!

Yes, I’m obsessed.

People always come in my cube and say “I don’t see how you can look at that all day long. It would make me want to eat it.”. And I always shrug it off and say that it doesn’t bother me at all. Well, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it is feeding my obsession. I wonder what other things in my life are feeding my obsession? I think I’m going to have to reassess things.

Do you guys twitter? I do. I love it. If you want to find me, I’m @CaraShow. I found this tweet today and thought it suited me so perfectly:

I think that about sums it up for me.

What do you guys do? Do you obsess over food? How do you turn it off? How do you cope? How do I stop obsessing?

I’ve been thinking alot about food lately. I mean, a LOT.

I sit at work all day dreaming about food. I keep wondering what this or that would taste like. I’ll even smell different types of food throughout the day that simply isn’t there.

Like, I’ll smell steak. Or Cheetos. Or cake. Or string cheese. … Weird, huh?

And then I get home and think about food even more.

And being on this “diet” doesn’t help matter much, because I always have to be thinking about (planning) what I’m going to eat next. And then once I’ve figured it out, I can’t wait until I can eat it.

Remember when you were in school and class was over at 3:45 and it was 3:00 and it seemed like the clock had stopped? Every 2 seconds you’d be looking at the clock wondering why it wasn’t moving any faster.

That’s how I am all day long. I keep looking at the clock saying “is it time to eat yet?”

Food is all I can think of.

I even dream in food.

The other night I had a perfectly random dream that had absolutely nothing at all to do with food, but I’ll be darned if the ground wasn’t made of gum drops!

I keep telling myself that everything will be okay and I’ll be normal if I can just stop obsessing over food.

But I can’t get it out of my head.

Like just a few minutes ago I was thinking about what I ate last Saturday and planning what I was going to eat this coming Saturday. Random, huh?

One of the tools in Weight Watchers is to be prepared whenever you’re heading into a social situation where you’ll be eating at a restaurant. They say to either go online or stop by the restaurant before hand so you can see the menu and plan what you’re going to eat so you won’t be side swiped by all of the yumminess on them menu.

Well, I’ve been doing that my whole life! Nothing new there. We’d make a plan to go out to a particular restaurant and my mind would race over the imaginary menu in my head. What would I eat? Man! I’d have it all planned out WAY before I got to the restaurant.

So that was a “tool” I didn’t have to worry about learning.

But now, I still do the same thing, but now I try to think of all the healthy things on the menu. That’s a good thing, right? But I’m still doing the basic same thing, obsessing over food.

I swear, if you guys could see all of the food thoughts that go through my head all day long, every minute of the day, you’d be shocked. Not a minute goes by in my day that I’m not thinking about some sort of food.

So what do I do with that? How can I NOT obsess over food? How can I break my life-long habit of thinking about food my every waking moment?

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So how did you guys do last week? Were you able to only eat when you were hungry? Or did the munchies win (again)?

I guess I’m doing pretty good when it comes to the boredom eating, but the weekends are still killing me.

Weekend before last, the 4th of July (LONG) weekend, really did me in. I ate and ate and ate. I couldn’t stop myself. Well, actually, I didn’t want to. I was completely in control and knew exactly what I was doing and loved every minute of it. Well, that is until I was done eating. Then I hated myself.

The worst was on Monday when we went to the Texas Roadhouse and I had cheese fries. On my way there, I was planning what I would eat. Cheese fries was not an option. I knew I’d already eaten WAY too much on Saturday and Sunday and I needed to get back in control. I even talked it over with hubby and we were both on the same page–no cheese fries!

Then… when it came time to order, I just blurted it out. Hubby said “what?” and then that loving “Cara…”. I looked him straight in the eyes and said “it’s okay, I know what I’m doing”.

The worst part was how greasy they were. But did that stop me from eating them? No! When we were driving home afterwards I was so dern mad at myself! I felt so awful. My stomach, no, my heart, yes. I felt like I’d just betrayed myself.

I’m really hoping one of these days I’m going to be able to win the battle against the food. I love it so dearly and it makes me feel so special. 

Grated, I’m not NEARLY as bad about eating as I used to be. Man, to think of all the crap I would eat and the amount of it–regularly. I’ve come SUCH a long way since those days. But I still haven’t won the battle entirely. What is it they say “you may have won the battle but you haven’t won the war yet.”. That’s me.

I actually gained 5 whole pounds over the course of 3 small days.

I fought and fought and got all but 4/10ths of it off. Whew!

This past weekend I did a LOT better. I’m still up a couple of pounds but I’m sure they’ll be off in the next day or two.

But on the flip side, I really did with not eating unless I was hungry. It’s so darn hard in the evenings, isn’t it?? Man!! It’s like the munchies monster is there hiding behind the couch waiting for me to sit down. He lurks around the house, just waiting for me to slow down for a minute, then he pounces! AAAhhhh!!!

So how did you guys do?

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