Cara's Weightloss Journal

You know, my journey now has truly become “mind over matter”–my mind over my body.

At the beginning of my weight loss, it was easy to lose weight. I was 130+ pounds overweight. So the first 60-70 pounds seemed to fall off with little effort on my part. Really, all I had to do was track my points. Sure, I exercised, but it was mostly just walking. I remember when I first started exercising, I started doing the WW walking challenge which started with just 10 minutes of walking a day.

So my body was the one losing the weight. It seemed like an easy trap to fall into. But I sure didn’t see it as a trap at all. I just thought that was the way I’d lose weight. I had no idea that after a season, my body would require more effort from me, from my mind. And when I came to that point in my weight loss journey, I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea why I wasn’t losing weight.

I know they say you have to change up what you’re doing in weight loss once you hit a plateau. But I didn’t hit a plateau. My weight loss just slowed down. I never saw that as a plateau. I just didn’t know why I wasn’t losing like I used to.

I tried alot of things. Different diet. Different exercise. Basically just alot of different approaches to the same weight loss hurdle.

It wasn’t until just recently that I realized my problem is in my mind.

So when I say mind over matter, it really is. My mind has to be the one that decides whether I’ll lose weight or not.

When I say the problem was in my mind, I mean my mind was the one sabotaging everything I tried. I didn’t even see that it was doing it to me. It started when I got 3 pounds from 100 pounds of weight loss then all of the sudden, weight loss became impossible. Whatever I’d lose, I’d soon gain it right back. And my usual weight loss tricks weren’t working.

It wasn’t until I started running that it finally hit me.

When I first tried to run over a year ago, I couldn’t do it. I got so out of breath that I would get dizzy and start seeing stars from hyperventilation. I didn’t understand it. But I was afraid to run. My mind was telling me that I couldn’t run. I was too fat. If I ran, I’d either have a heart attack or I’d fall and break a knee or a hip. But I didn’t realize that at the time. I just knew that I couldn’t run. I just thought it was because I was so out of shape.

Then a couple of months ago, I tried running again, but this time with a different attitude. I knew going into it that I had a fear. Once I started running, I confronted that fear and asked it where it was coming from and why it was sabotaging me. Then I came face to face with it and could see it for what it really was.

Then I took off running.

Once I was able to confront my fear and put it in it’s place and know that it was only fear that was holding me back from running, I was free to run.

Then I totally started enjoying running.

But then, much later, I got to thinking about my weight loss and maybe I had some fears about losing weight, too.

You know, I really don’t think I was afraid of losing weight. I think really what it was is that I was telling myself that I couldn’t do it, but I had no idea I was doing that.

When I first got so close to losing the 100 pounds, I think I was shocked that I could actually do it and I started sabotaging myself just to prove it to myself that I really couldn’t do it. Self doubt turned into self image.

Can you believe that?! I actually talked myself into thinking that I was too weak to lose weight. If I had to work at it, it was too hard and I wasn’t strong enough to do it.

It wasn’t until just recently that I’ve come to terms with this. I mean, come on, my own mind sabotaging me without my even knowing about it?! How messed up is that?

Then in WW, I saw the “Monitoring Your Thoughts” Helpful Habit and it finally hit me. Sure, I’d seen the 8 Helpful Habits before. I knew all about them. But when that one jumped off the page at it, it hit me like a Mac truck. It was my thoughts that were sabotaging me. And I never knew it.

Now that I know it is my thoughts, or rather my mind telling me that I’m not strong enough to do this, I can see it for what it really is and push past it just like I ran past my fear of running. It’s like identifying a problem first then figuring out how to fix the problem. If you don’t see it, you can’t fix it, right?

Now when I don’t lose, I don’t have to be frustrated thinking that my body isn’t cooperating (like “oh, I did everything I was supposed to do but still gained”), I can see it for what it really (and usually it’s my actions or lack thereof that will cause a gain), then I can look at it reasonably and sensibly and know what I need to do to push through and keep on moving in my weight loss journey. Then I can really see what I did or didn’t do and look at it honestly and reasonably. Then fix it.

I’m not sure if any of this is making sense. It’s in my mind, so it might not. Have you guys ever had something happen to you and the only thing you can track it back to was your mind sabotaging your efforts? Even if it’s something you want so bad and your thoughts are all on the success of it? The tricky part is when your mind sabotages you but you don’t even know it. I can’t even rationalize how that could possibly happen. You’d think that you could know everything that’s going on in your own head.

By the way, if you’re looking for a great way to get started walking, I highly recommend Weight Watchers’ Walking Challenge. It’s great! I only stayed with it for 9 weeks, but it was a huge help for me to get me used to exercising. I hadn’t really exercised for maybe 19 or 20 years. And I was obese. Almost 300 pounds. So exercise, for me, was a huge challenge. Their walking challenge was perfect. It eased me into it. Now look at me. A year and a half later, I’m running a 10K. :D

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I DID IT!

I woke up this morning and went running!!!

I can’t believe it.

Boy am I tired. I should be energized. But I think it’s just because I feel like I’m back at week one with the running thing and I think I’m going to have to take it slow again.

I ran for a minute and a half and then walked for a minute. Did that for 20 minutes. Was very tough! But I did it. I did it!

I woke up on time. Only hit the snooze twice. Rolled out of bed tired. Maybe that’s why I’m still tired. I went to bed at 11 and got up at 6:30 so 7 1/2 hours is plenty of good rest. Oh, well.

The important thing is that I did it. (I keep saying that.)

I haven’t been doing that great on my diet this week. Tomorrow is WI and I think I’m going to break even again. I just haven’t been motivated this week. I haven’t eaten anything that I’m not supposed to. But my portions are a little larger than they should be. That makes a huge difference. I could eat the healthiest food in the world for months on end but if I eat twice a much of it as I’m supposed to, it doesn’t do me any good. Sure, I’ll be healthy, but healthy with extra pounds adding on each week. That just seems so weird.

I did eat those french fries earlier this week. That was certainly not healthy. But since then I’ve done good. I’ve just added one more week to the great span of time that it’ll take me to reach goal. So when I get down close to goal and I start complaining about how long it’s taken me to lose those last few pounds, just remember these weeks of breaking even and remind myself what those extra few weeks are for and how I could have been done 2 weeks earlier if I’d have kicked my self in gear and eaten what (and the amount of what) I’m supposed to be eating.

So there. I said it. Get your butt back in gear and eat the right portions.

Funny, didn’t I just post guidelines about portion control.

I should read my own blogs.

:0)

Hello Everyone!!!

I’m back!!!

So sorry for the long time I’ve been gone. So much has been going on. I’ll bet you thought, well, there goes another blogger come and go!

Not me!

I’m a die-hard blogger… life just got in the way.

Since I’ve been off-blog, so much has happened and I’m so sorry that I didn’t get a chance to blog any of it. I’ll try and reconstruct some of it, but my memory always forgets the juicy details so I’m sure it won’t be quite the same.

One big thing that happened is that today I hit my 80 pounds!!!

It’s been just a little over a year. We started WW on May 12th of last year. So it’s been a year and two weeks and I’ve lost 80 pounds. Can you believe that???!!! I still can’t believe it!

I just kept saying over and over today “I can’t believe I’ve lost 80 pounds.”

It sounds like so much weight!

My daughter weighed herself this morning and she said she weighs 108 pounds. I’ve lost almost as much as my daughter weighs!!! WOW!

I’ve been stuck between 75 pounds and 80 pounds for the last two months. Since the beginning of April.

I have to say that I’ve really tried to lose it, too. I haven’t slacked off or cheated. I haven’t been exercising like I wanted to. But I have been exercising some. But this past week, I only walked two mornings and didn’t run any and still lost a whole pound. So I don’t know if it’s really anything I’ve done or not done to take so long to lose 5 pounds. I think it’s just my body taking a break.

Who knows if my body is back from it’s break or not but at least I can say I’ve hit 80 pounds! I’ll still keep at it and keep trying. That’s the best I can do. I can’t get discouraged. I can’t give up. I still have 45 more pounds to go to goal. That could realistically take me another year to do. If things go like they did these past two months, it might even be a year and a half or two years before I can get down to goal.

But I will not give up. I will not falter. I’m in this for the long haul. I will hit goal. And once I hit it, I will stay at goal. For the rest of my life!

Well, I’m back and I’ll be back tomorrow to blog again. I’m so glad to be back. I really missed blogging. I miss the interaction and the accountability. I miss reading all of your stories.

Now I have to get caught up on your lives.

many of my friends and family member ask my the same question over and over. i even ask it myself, over and over and over…

what am doing wrong? i’m not losing any weight!

what is the best answer for that? who knows. we’re all different. something that works for me might not work for you. but then again, maybe something i’m doing is just what you need to do to kickstart a weight loss again.

whenever someone asks me that, i go into problem solving mode and ask:

#1. what are you eating?
#2. do you exercise regularly?
#3. do you eat your extra 35 weekly points?
#4. do you eat any of your activity points?
#5. are you eating the same thing or the same types of foods day after day?

i just wonder if those are the right questions.

are they?

for me, i could say, yes. but what about for you? if you ask yourself these five questions are you able to figure out what you’re doing wrong?

#1. if you’re not eating enough food your body will go into hibernation mode and start storing the fat. this will happen until your body gets enough nutrients to where it feels comfortable letting some of that stored fat go. so it could take a while to reverse the effects of not eating enough.

#2. if you’re not exercising regularly, and i mean religiously, you simply will not lose weight. i’ve seen people who can eat like a horse… all the fried foods and sweets they want. but they keep the pounds off because they work out every day. exercise is the key to weight loss. period.

#3. this is purely my philosophy, but i believe that your body needs extra fats and calories to keep it happy. if you never give your body fat (or very little) and you limit your calorie intake, don’t you think your body will get wise to this? your body has an auto-balancing system in it that will compensate for any unbalanced diet or chemicals. so it makes sense to me that you should throw some extra fat and calories in your body at least once a week. so yes, dip into those extra 35 points. but my advise is to do it all in one day or maybe two days at the most. to spread it out over the week gets your body used to the extra fat on a regular basis and it won’t burn it as easily.

#4. this one is a no brainer for me… if you work our, you have to eat extra that day. your body goes through alot when you work out. it needs some repairing. and extra food is just the ticket. for me, i like to eat a little extra protein (reduced fat peanut butter, boiled egg, etc.) just before i work out so my body will burn the fat not the muscle while i’m working out.

#5. this one makes sense to me, but not to alot of others. i believe that your body does get bored with the same types of foods day after day. once it starts getting the exact same nutrients (be they good or even great nutrients), your body will become complacent and never budge one pound. you can be eating the healthiest meals every day, but if you’re eating the same types of foods day after day your body will equal out with the nutrients it gets and you won’t be able to lose a pound.

well, that’s my 2 cents worth. What do you think?