Cara's Weightloss Journal

Weigh in this morning… Lost 1.2 lbs!!

So all total, I’ve lost 104.0 lbs!!!

(Technically, though, I’ve lost 114 lbs because I lost 10 lbs on NutriSystems the year before I started Weight Watchers.)

And another big milestone is coming up this week. As of May 12th, I will have been enrolled in Weight Watchers for 3 full years without missing one single meeting in all three years! Perfect attendance. That was always my forte in school. I may not have gotten straight A’s but I always got perfect attendance awards. :)

This past week I’ve been thinking alot about how deliberate weight loss has to be. Its not something that I can do just haphazardly or willy-nilly. Its not something I can “kinda” “sort” do. It’s something that I have to give my full attention and full effort.

Its something that requires focus and determination. It can be exhausting, you know? Of course you know!

My personality type is one where I have a tenancy to obsess over things. In the mid-90s we bought a Nintendo console and Sonic the Hedge Hog. I got so addicted to that game, I would never shut it off. That was back with there were no memory cards so if you shut the game off, you lost where you were. There were like 29 levels and I couldn’t stop playing the game. Every waking moment. Was bad. But that’s how I am. Once I find something that captures my attention, I’m hooked and almost blinded by it. Blinded to everything around it so all I see is just it.

That’s how this weight loss thing gets at times. I’ve heard my husband and daughter say so many times “that’s all you ever talk about”. Now, mind you, they are SO incredibly loving and supportive of my weight loss efforts and are behind me 1000%. But I know it’s gotta get old after a while. I know they get tired of me talking about how many points I have left for the day or how many points a particular food item has, etc. I mean, I’ve been at this non-stop for the past 3 years. That’s 1,095 days… 156.5 weeks… 156 weigh ins… I’m sure they get tired of me talking about it ALL the time.

But my point is, that we have to talk about it all the time. If we don’t, we’re likely to push it to 2nd priority and then there goes our hard earned efforts. Everyone around us has to know that weight loss is a priority in our lives. We have to know that too. We have to keep it at the top of our to do list constantly. We have to put ourselves at the top of that list, too. Because without putting ourselves at the top, nothing we do–weight loss wise–will make a difference.

Its hard, though. You know? Its so hard to put ourselves first rather than our family or children. We’ve been so trained to “put everyone else first”. I mean, heck, even Jesus put himself first. He knew that he needed rest to be fresh and alive for the mission ahead of him so he took a nap on the boat with the fishermen. Even when the storms raged, he slept. He knew he needed to put himself first and that the fishermen/disciples could take care of themselves.

From the outside, it could look like Jesus was being selfish and cold hearted to totally ignore those closest tho him, those who were like family to him, and some of them were family. But he knew that if he didn’t put himself first and get the rest that his body needed, he would be worth nothing the next day and no good to anyone.

That’s a good lesson for us. We have to put ourselves first and our weight loss efforts at the top of our to do list every day. Its not selfish. If we don’t lose weight where will we be. We’re not going to get healthier… We’re not going to live longer… we’re not going to be happier as long as we’re over weight.

So lets keep our eye on the prize and keep focused on our weight loss efforts this week. Don’t be afraid to tell someone no (even if it’s your own child), if it means that you’re going to have to compromise your weight loss efforts or sacrifice your own well being and health. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it to them either. They might not realize it. They might see you as being selfish or obsessed but you’re doing it for them, too. So that you’ll be around longer to take care of them and to be in their life.

You first.

Weight loss efforts at the top of your to do list.

Without fail.

What do you think?

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Weigh in this morning… I broke even. No gain. No loss. :|

I guess that’s better than a gain, right?! I was really expecting a gain, but not for what you think. I did exactly what I did last week but a little more. I ate the same number of points every day and counted my flex points (which were all used last weekend). But this week, I exercised every day. Okay, so walking the dog isn’t really exercising, but it’s more than I’ve been doing, right? That’s gotta count! I moved more this past week, how’s that?

But my daily scale weigh ins at home showed that I’d lost 8/10ths of a pound as of yesterday morning. Then this morning, I was up a whole pound from yesterday’s weight. So I figured I was gonna gain when I got to WW. Don’t know why the heck I gained a whole pound in one day of eating on points and moving more. Who knows.

But after my 4 pound loss last week, it’s okay that I didn’t lose this week. It’ll all average out, right?

I’m enjoying walking in the mornings with Mocha (a.k.a. the chubby chihuahua). I’m only taking him for half hour walks to start with. I figured I’d do half hour blocks for the coming week as well, then the following week I can start walking with him longer. He hasn’t been enjoying himself that much. Yesterday, he stopped after only 10 minutes out and like a stubborn mule, refused to budge another inch. With doggies, I always listen to their instincts. They can sense things that we can’t. So we stopped (like I had a choice) and turned around. So we only walked for 20 minutes yesterday.

It’s been so nice and cool in the mornings. I LOVE daylight savings in the fall!!

So my goals for the coming week are to focus in on every day, one-at-a-time. Today, my goal is to NOT eat like a pig. I might go over my points for today, but I’m not giving it as much effort as I did last weekend.

We’re heading to Steak N Shake for lunch today. Ugh! Nothing healthy there. So I’m gonna go for small portions and reasonable choices. I’m thinking of their hot dog with pico de galo and a small fry and water. I don’t know how much their hot dog is, but WW’s says a regular hot dog is 7 points. Their small fries are 6 points, UGH! I really don’t even like their fries. Maybe I should go for cottage cheese and pineapple instead. It’s only 2 points. Yea! That’s what I’ll do!!

Smart choices. Keep that in the front of your head.

How about you guys? What are your goals for this week?

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So far, so good.

So weigh in this morning was horrible. On so many different levels.

I gained 4.8 pounds.

I don’t understand it. I ate my 21 points a day (plus a couple of earned activity points each day). I ate most of my flex points last weekend so I’d have all week to work them off (however, I only gained 1 pound over the weekend). I earned 27 activity points. What the heck!

Okay, I think I might know what’s up. Stress.

#1. My job responsibilities used to be a full time job. Since the layoffs, I’ve taken on about 50% more workload so I’m doing 150% of the work in the same amount of time I used to do 100% of my work.

#2. It’s the end of the magazine cycle which means all of the work done on the magazine all week gets wrapped up and finalized in order to ship out to the printer. I call myself the “human magazine funnel”. Nothing goes into the magazine unless I put it there. Editorial writes it. Design creates the artwork. Advertising sells the ads and provides the ad material. What I do is take all those pieces and build a magazine—page by page. So the last week of the cycle is getting the million lose ends tied off and getting each page of the magazine finalized to it will print correctly. This past cycle was rough. The last several months have been rough. Each issue seems to get worse and worse. The layoffs have changed everyone’s schedules and processes so everyone’s late getting things to me and the schedule can’t be moved, so I have to compensate.

#3. I just found out that a good friend at work’s mom had Alzheimer’s disease before she passed away. She died a couple of years ago and I didn’t know my friend then, but that’s one of my greatest fears in life is getting Alzheimer’s. It runs in my family. And I couldn’t stop crying for her. I can’t imagine what she went through with her mom towards the end. I can’t imagine my own mother forgetting who I am.

#4. This is the big one. My daughter moved out. My only daughter. She’s going to be 20 on Tuesday so I know it’s time for her to move out. But I am not ready for it. She’s still in college. Just finished her 2nd year. And I just don’t think this move was the best time and situation for her to move into. I think her expenses are still way too high to take on the extras of rent, utilities and food. She moved in with 2 roommates, one of which, she’s just met (the other she’s know for 2 years). I know, I have to let her go. She’s an adult. She needs to be on her own. But I just don’t like it. I’m so worried for her.

Friday morning was especially hard because it was the last time I’d hear her alarm clock go off. It’s the last time I’d wake her up. It’s the last time we’d have breakfast together. It’s the last time I’d hug her goodbye. It was my morning of lasts. And then I got to work and had about 25 hours of work that I had to cram into 7 hours in order to get the magazine shipped out on time. Everyone else was too busy to help. I cried my way through the day.

One good part to this past week was that I didn’t eat one cupcake. I baked cupcakes for a friend at work (she commissioned me) and I had so much fun doing it. They were Snickerdoodle cupcakes which is butter cupcakes filled with cinnamon cream cheese filling and stopped with boiled white icing (made with meringue). But I resisted and did not eat even one of them.

And then this morning, when I entered my weight on WW.com, first of all I cried because I’m now back up to 172.2. I swore I’d NEVER get back up in the 170s again. But on top of that, after I input my weight, the darn pop up window said it’s time to recalculate my points. I’m thinking, WHAT? Please don’t take away another point. 21 points is already slim pickings. Would you believe the stupid thing GAVE me a point back??!!! Seriously! I now have 22 daily points allowance.What the heck is up with that?!?! I don’t even know what to do with that. I’ve NEVER had WW GIVE me points!

Okay, tell me where I’m supposed to go from here. Because I don’t know.

So tonight’s Biggest Loser was pretty good. I was so excited to see Nicole given a second chance. She has been my favorite from the beginning. When she came back the last time, she kicked butt on the challenge and ALMOST won. She showed so much strength and determination. I was so impressed. Then when she came back tonight after losing like 87 pounds, or something like that, I was thoroughly impressed. Way to go Nicole!

Then a horrible thing happened, she got voted off. I was so upset. But she said something so amazing after she got voted off that really stuck with me. She was talking about how she had walked past a mirror when she got to The Ranch and noticed for the first time how much weight she’d lost and how good she looked. Until then, she’d never allowed herself to really realize how her body had changed over the months. I mean, holy cow, she’d lost almost 90 pounds! But she was so focused on “losing” and being the “biggest loser” that she hadn’t stopped to see the progress she’d made.

Then in the “after the loser” segment, it showed her in her size 24 wedding gown (before the show) and now in the size 12. It occurred to me that that is where I am right now. I started in a size 24 (well, actually I was in a 26/28) and now I’m in a size 12. I think I need to stop for a while and take a look at me now and stop focusing on the process. My mind is so focused on watching the scale to see how much I’ve lost or haven’t lost. It’s my measuring stick for success right now. I need to stop that and look in the mirror. To see what Nicole saw.

I’ve lost almost 100 pounds. But I need to let that number go and stop focusing in on it. I need to just look in the mirror at my progress and be happy there rather than on the scale.

So that’s my goal, now, is to focus on the mirror. Focus on the mirror. Focus on the mirror.

The funniest thing happened today. In the middle of the morning, I jotted down a few things I needed to pick up at the store on my way home for lunch (so I wouldn’t forget). So I grabbed my note when headed out for lunch and as I was walking down the hall, I looked down at the list and it made me chuckle. The only things on the list were healthy stuff. Bananas, granola bars, almond milk, lettuce and turkey. It was so completely unreal. I remember when my lists would include chips, soda, cookies, hamburger helper, cream cheese, sour cream, etc. Rarely would I pick up anything fresh or healthy. It just struck me as funny how I realize I have turned into a health-nut. Who’dathunk? Me? Healthy?

Speaking of food, I added my daily food log on the top right side of my blog. I found it on Roni’s Weigh’s website. Eat, Tweet, Post. It’s really cool. I just tweet what I eat throughout the day, then go to her website to get a tally of the total points I’ve eaten for the day, then copy and paste the code into my blog and it formats it with the total at the bottom and everything. I absolutely LOVE Twittering so this one is right up my alley. I love it!

I also have a badge over to the right for the coolest challenge. It’s on Fitago. It’s a community trek across America. It starts in Daytona Beach, FL and ends in San Fransicso, CA. So all you do is log the miles you walk, run or bike on the Fitago website and the total mileage gets added to everyone else’s totals and together we walk across America. How cools is that??!! I’ve always wanted to join a challenge like this. So this is perfect. Plus, it’s getting me motivated to run again. I need anything to get me motivated. This one probably won’t be a quick challenge, too, so it’ll help me stick with it longer. You should check it out.

So here’s to another day of staying within my points, drinking my water, eating my dairy and oils and vegetables and protein. I couldn’t run because it was raining all day. But I’ll definitely be back to run tomorrow. It’s not supposed to rain tomorrow.

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